Monday, December 24, 2007

A Clown's Job (a sad reality)

I went to the circus the other day. Clowns with painted smiling faces. I never got over my phobia of clowns since my elementary days but come to think of it I never knew the reason behind my fear. I never even tried rationalized. Maybe it’s because of those fake smiles plastered across their faces like the world is one jolly theme park with no problems. I think that was kind of creepy since in reality life was never that easy.

And so the jolly clowns juggled and hammered each other and the crowd roared with laughter my date started laughing too. Such silly tricks and in my increasing irritation I stuffed popcorn on my mouth and chewed meditatively totally ignoring the show for I already lost interest.

I remembered when I was a kid my younger cousins were so excited about the clowns coming over to the party. Showing magic tricks and profoundly corny jokes that they find really enthusiastic. I kept a few good distance away from the clowns without showing my fear. I have my pride after all. But then after the party was over I realized I never did enjoy the rest of the show. That night I asked my Mom why clowns are so scary. My mother just said “you don’t have to be afraid. They are also humans too. They just wanted everyone to be smiling and laughing with them and enjoying the show.”

The crowd roared with laughter as the clowns chased each other with their tiny mallets clobbering each other. I wasn’t funny really, just stupid. And yet, I was stupid too. The girl beside me was cheating on me. I know and yet I have to place a plastered smile and I fooled everyone that there was nothing wrong. I was even fooling my self. I smiled, yes, after all I was also a clown performing at my own stage.

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