Boys VS Girls ROund 1

Sex
Women prefer 30 to 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 45 seconds of foreplay. For the man, driving back to her place is considered a part of foreplay.

Maturity
Women mature at a much faster rate than men. Most 17 year old females can function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Groceries
A woman knows how to shop for groceries. She makes a list of the things she needs, and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man does not shop on a frequent basis. He waits until the only items left in his refrigerator are an opened can of Schlitz and a half a lime. Then he goes grocery shopping. A man buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on the Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10 items or less lane.

Magazines
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary, and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Comedy
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The woman will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

Bathrooms
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical American women's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready, as soon as she finds her other earring, makes one phone call and finishes putting on her makeup.

Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

Leg Warmers
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in A Chorus Line.

Mirrors
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface, mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, or Joe Garagiola's head.

Menopause
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction -- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Telephone

Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house.





watch out for round 2........

FBI's 12 Best Deaths

pick ur favorite...
Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36,000 Serious Crimes
including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the Homicide
Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the year.

1- Alex Mijtus,36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20
inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had enough of her husband's strange sex
practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped,
pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured
several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

2- Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed
the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with
her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by
the truck delivering her birthday cake.

3- Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old daughter,
who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone
felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly
inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her fathers coffee as he prepared
dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was
given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realise what
she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method
one month later.

4- David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend after he
attempted to have his way with her. His unwelcome advance was met with a
double-barreled shotgun. Charla's (the girlfriends) father had given it
to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

5- Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing
to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the
victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had
been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

6- Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she
wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the
troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of
them and yelled Boo!. The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target,
fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She
just looked like a very real looking target, one of the troopers stated in
his report.

7- Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael
because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his sister to death
with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken
aerial.

8- Helena Simms, Wife to the famous American nuclear scientist Harold
Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the
neighbor. Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow
with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of
radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total
hair loss, welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe
drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a
check up.

9- Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian
after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their
parents passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of
smell.

After the argument Brian stormed out of the house,then snuck back
later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He
then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, Sorry for the
spree, have a puff on me, Brian. Conrad promptly lit a cigar,
destroying the house, and himself in the process.

10- Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early
hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a
mounted
F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine,
aimed at an empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would
constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and
the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove
the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over
for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter
didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she
walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5,000
degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the
driveway.

11- Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie, Die Hard
With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry,
into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double
sided white board that read Death to all Niggers! on one side, and God
Loves the KKK. On the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem
and dropped him off.
Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

12- Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his two timing wife by
loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford
Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a
force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was heard
by several persons some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or
the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of
missing road. ....Ü


"The greatest mistakes of all humans
is their hesitancy to tell others
how much they love them...
...while they're alive!"
- Optimus Prime
Autobots


source

new seven wonders of the world

Editorial from the Philippine Panorama- July 15, 2007




Christ the Redeemer



Great Wall of China


Roman Colosseum


Petra


Macchu Picchu


Taj Mahal


Chichen Itza


Two thousand years on, the Seven Wonders of the World are chosen again- this time through a global poll.

The Original Seven Wonders were chosen by Antipater of Sidon, who drew on the authority of such learned travellers as Herodotus and Callimachus. The list included the Colossus of Rhodes and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and were found only around the Mediterranean, the limits of the Western World.

Four Wonders were destroyed in earthquakes and two in fires. Few can list them today. To find their modern successors, 21 finalists were drawn up from submissions.

The winning list wad revealed in Lisbon, Portugal, on Saturday, July 7. The ranking of the top seven wonders is kept secret.

The Great Wall of China, Rome’s Colosseum, India’s Taj Mahal, Peru’s Macchu Picchu, Brazil’s Statue of Christ the Redeemer, and Mexico’s Chichen Itza pyramid were among the new Seven Wonders of the World chosen. Jordan’s Petra was the seventh winner.

About 100 million votes were cast by the Internet and cell phone text messages, said New7Wonders, the nonprofit organization that conducted the poll.

The seven beat out 14 other nominated landmarks, including the Eiffel Tower, Easter Island in the Pacific, the Statue of Liberty, the Acropolis, Russia’s Kremlin, and Australia’s Sydney Opera House.

The Pyramids of Giza, the only surviving structures from the original seven wonders of the ancient world, were assured of retaining their status in addition to the new seven after indignant Egyptian officials said it was a disgrace they had to complete.

The campaign to name new wonders was launched in 1999 by the Swiss adventurer Bernard Weber. Almost 200 nominations came in, and the list was narrowed to the 21 most-voted by the start of 2006. Organizers admit there was no foolproof way to prevent people from voting more than once for their favorite.

A Peruvian in national costume held up Macchu Picchu’s award to the sky and bowed to the crowd with his hands clasped, eliciting one of the biggest cheers from the audience of 50,000 people at a soccer stadium in Portugal’s capital, Lisbon.

Many jeered when the Statue of Liberty was announced as one of the candidates. Portugal was widely opposed to the US-led invasion of Iraq.

Another Swiss adventurer, Bertrand Piccard, pilot of the first hot-air balloon to fly nonstop around the world, announced one of the winners- then launched into an appeal for people to combat climate change and stand up for human rights before being ushered off the stage.

The Colosseum, the Great Wall, Macchu Picchu, the Taj Mahal, and Petra had been among the leading candidates since January, while the Statue of Christ Redeemer received a surge in votes more recently.

The Statue of Liberty and Australia’s Sydney Opera House were near the bottom of the list from the start.

Also among the losing candidates were Cambodia’s Angkor Watt, Spain’s Alhambra, Turkey’s Hagia Sophia, Japan’s Kiyomizu Temple, Russia’s Kremlin and St. Basil’s Cathedral, Germany’s Neuschwanstein Castle, Britain’s Stonehenge, and Mali’s Timbuktu.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Statue of Zeus at Olympia, the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus, the Colossus of Rhodes, and the Pharos Lighthouse of Alexandria have all vanished.

Weber’s Switzerland-based foundation aims to promote cultural diversity by supporting, preserving, and restoring monuments. It relies on private donations and revenues will be used to fund restoration efforts worldwide, including recreating the Bamiyan Buddha statue in Afghanistan.

The UN Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) also keeps a list of World Heritage Sites, which now totals 851 monuments.

With these new set of Seven Wonders of the World, we will have new global cultural icons to treasure and admire in the next century or so.